“I am going to make it through this year
If it kills me…”
-“This Year”, The Mountain Goats
This was the year that began with a looming new presidency that I wasn’t entirely excited about (to be honest, moderately terrified) and a profound sense of disappointment with my nation. This was the year I went back on Wellbutrin.
This was the year that began with a twist of pain in my heart that I was beginning my final semester at college, and a twist of anxiety in my gut that I was taking a couple classes that I felt were just beyond my comfort zone.
This was the year I had an essay published –on paper, in a magazine that went to more than 100 people—and got paid enough for it to buy my books for my final semester of college.
This was the year I graduated college, twenty-six years after I began. The year I finished my long-postponed dream …and then found I had no idea what next.
This was the year I made a complete change of plans in 48 hours in mid-May about grad school. I took the leap, and by all signs so far, after ten days of summer residency, one fall semester, more than ten books read (I’ve lost count -it’s all on my Goodreads profile…), and about 100 pages of writing and revision later, it’s been worth it.
This was the year we finally went to a U2 concert. Pretty good graduation/anniversary celebration, if you ask me, and a fairly effective balm for that sense of disappointment with my home country.
This was the year that I found myself, in early November, remembering the November before when I sat in class, pushing away the looming question: “where will I be next year?” This November, I sat in nearly the same seat in the same room, overwhelmed with relief and something like joy because I finally had the answer, and it was a good one.
This was the year that we brought the two younger ones home to do school, and decreased our family’s stress level by over half. This year we spent time finding a new normal, a new routine with a cleaner house and more home-cooked meals and probably a little too much time spent at home.
Anno Domini 2017 was a year of dreams granted, blessings overwhelming. If I had to, I think I’d be okay with doing it again, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
Soli Deo gloria.